Friday, April 28, 2006

This Season's Look

Janice thought she was being especially daring with her choice of accessory —- what a surprise she would get when she arrived at the dance to find everyone was wearing concussed Protestant children...

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Monday, April 24, 2006

Bertie: At it Again

'Yes, girls,' thought Bertie as he fondled himself discretely, 'break your lovely wind into my cap. Later tonight I shall wear it while we -- ooh...' The old man didn't suspect a thing.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Spin the Black Circle

For Christ's sake -- another fucking lecture from Sally on how Raidohead 'just gets it, you know?'

Captions aside, look at "Sally"'s left arm and where it's resting on the table -- what the hell is going on there? It looks like an Escher painting or something.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

You Can't Improve on Perfection

I swear to God, I have not altered this image (or the text) in any way:

Doris gave her a direct looked and smiled somewhat queerly.

It's funny, because the word "queer" has changed in meaning over time from "strange" to "lesbian, gay or transgender"! And the hockeystick looks like a massive dildo.

Mock the past. MOCK IT!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Friday, April 14, 2006


Worst. Secret decoder rings. Ever.

Yeah, I went with a theme this week. Back to more varied fare after Easter.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


'Colonising their index fingers is only the first step -- soon we shall be feasting on their fatted juvenile organs.' 'Yes, soon.'

Monday, April 10, 2006


Johnnie and Lisa's preserved corpses made perfect perches for the Professor's owlets. Those taxidermy lessons were worth every penny.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Questions that are Asked Frequently

Well, it's been a week now, and the bulk of hits have subsided. Most of the visits from the likes of and Warren Ellis have ebbed away, and I'm mostly reduced to being passed around LiveJournals and message boards like Mariah Carey at a G-Unit after party.

I am, of course, left with a much larger readership than when I started, which is no bad thing. Assuming that most of the folks reading now are sticking around, now would be a good time to address a few issues that have come up...

For the interest of some, here are the publications I've been swiping images from (unfortunately, some of them don't appear to have publication dates on them):

The Book for Girls
Chick's Own Annual 1954
Girls' Crystal Annual 1952
Happy Story Book
The Modern Book for Girls 1960 (probably)
The Oxford Annual for Girls 1933
The Oxford Annual for Girls 1939
Popular Book for Girls

Not Enid Fucking Blyton. The reason I have access to all of them is that my girlfriend collects such publications from fairs and opshops for the purposes of decorating a room with the colour plates one day. (She's also the one who told me that those are Mary Janes, not plimsolls.)

In terms of T-shirts, mugs or what have you, while I'm as consumerist a whore as the next man, and I'd love to make such commodities available via the likes of, I'm not 100% sure where I stand copyright-wise. I think the limit is currently 50 years in England, so the images from the 30s and early 50s are probably safe, but I'm not sure. I do know that it's when you start making money off things that people start to get miffed. For all I know, I'm just about to be sued into permanent incontinence just for putting them up here.

And comments and e-mails would suggest that the Anne Frank one is still the crowd favourite. I hear you: more jokes about poo.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Monday, April 03, 2006

OK, Fine

While I still have an audience, let's go for three a week instead of two, on the assumption that I'm not as creatively barren as I secretly think I am, and won't run out of ideas in a month (instead of a month and a half, if I'd stuck to two). Look for new posts Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Whenever Grandpa came back from the Orient, the girls liked to play 'Guess What Grandpa Contracted This Time' by examining the sexual residue caught in his moustache. 'Is it gonorrhoea?' asked Suzie. Flora disagreed: 'No, it's too clotted for that—some sort of herpes, perhaps?' 'I'm afraid you're both wrong,' chuckled Grandpa, 'it's Multiple Resistant Tuberculosis. And I've just breathed it all over you, you disrespectful little slags.'

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Holy Crap

OK, I'm pretty sure it went like this:

Some dude on LiveJournal →* → Kung Fu Monkey → to infinity and beyond.

In the space of a day my hits have increased by orders of magnitude. Orders of magnitude, motherfuckers! This calls for a celebration -- have an extra one:

'Oh, hello, vicar. I've a dirty hoe? Well, it's a fork, but I suppose it is dirty, yes. Um… you do know your fly is open, don’t you? Oh. Yes, you do.'

* Just to establish my Warren Ellis fanboy credentials: with my Edison Hate Future T-shirt in the wash, I'm currently wearing a VACUOUS TART shirt I made myself, based on one Yelena wears in an issue of TRANSMETROPOLITAN.