Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Order now for Xmas!

For the girl who has everything: Radium! (And then leukemia.)

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I Say Nothing

Picked up a new book of source materials, whose cover I present without comment:

Topping Book for Girls

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Scatological Humour

'It's been a lovely evening, Bertie -- tell me, though: what's with the eyepatch?' 'Oh, I burst a blood vessel taking a shit.' 'That's... awful.' 'Awful? It was fucking diabolical! I've never shit so hard in my life. Seriously, I think I cracked my pelvis.' '... Take me home, Bertie.' '*sigh* Right.'

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007

28 Years Earlier

'Ah, nature -- birds on the wing, wind in the trees, the woodlands resplendent in their verdant glory... Look, you wouldn't have any brains on you, would you?' 'I knew it, you zombie fuck!' This sort of situation was precisely why Tracey always carried a shotgun.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


'Whatever is that awful noise?' 'Well, that's the sound of your parents being gored by wild pigs. Now they're being wound-raped by albino mimes. And that noise in the background is me laughing like a fucking howler monkey. Steal my dolly, will you, bitch?'

Also: Heh.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I feel dirty now, how about you?

Jemima welcomed Death's icy embrace. Five weeks editing Hagrid/Snape slash fiction was four weeks too many.

In reference to the last comic on the subject of fan-generated fiction:

I fucking knew it!

I’m not even going to check for the existence of this one's subject – there’s no doubt that it’s out there:

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" cried Hagrid, as the silvery spray erupted from the tip of his wand.
"Well -- whoever called you a Squib was clearly misinformed."
Hagrid looked up with a start as Snapes entered the room, smiling cruelly and loosening his robes...

Jesus Christ, how did that even get in my head? All I can think of now is Alan Rickman wiping his cock on Robbie Coltrane’s beard and reaching for a swig of Butterbeer. How am I still conscious? Why won’t I just die?!!!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


'It's true! A bull has given birth! To a fully-dressed man!!' 'The End Times are upon us.'

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Meanwhile, Under the Big Top

Bongo and Betty were the darlings of the freakshow circus. No-one had the heart to tell them that there's no such thing as inter-species conjoined twins -- it wasn't until adulthood that they first heard of 'Velcro' and began to suspect the awful truth...

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Stop that Santa!

'Damn it, girls -- hop faster! We'll never catch him once he gets on his invisible bicycle!' Drugs were a lot stronger in the sixties.