Monkey Fluids: 2008

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I prefer au revoir

Time to call it a day, I'm thinking. It's been two-and-a-bit years and two-and-a-bit hundred comics and I'm just plain out of Funny. My, what times we've had, what with the japery and the wit and the horse-fucking and what have you. Memories I'll cherish and so on and so forth.

Thanks for reading, and for the comments -- I'll be back with another thing another time, as is my wont.

So that just leaves one thing:

Because Timmy fucked his sister - that's why.

And now you know.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Playing to Win

'Yes, I think I'm going to have to recommend what's called a 'retroactive abortion' in your case, Angela -- can't have the lower classes breeding out of control can we?' 'I don't like playing eugenicists, Timmy. Can't we just go back to experimenting with laudanum?'

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Pirates make the worst patients...

'Yarr! Unhand me giblets, wench!' 'For the last time Pete, I'm not 'purloinin' yer giblets' -- 'I'm harvesting your organs' to 'buy huge amounts of heroin'. Take it like a man.' 'Yarr.'

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Archaic Pop Culture Reference

'Yes, I can see you were here -- you still are! An dyour name's not Kilroy.'

Ask your parents.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Choke

'Autoerotic asphyxiation, Camilla? You know that's how father died!' 'Fk ff -- 'lmost thrrr...'

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Elephant Butler

'Damn it all - the Master's accidentally suffocated one of his boy-whores again,' thought Jeeves the Macrocephalic Butler. 'If only I wasn't a mutant freak, I'd be able to find work at houses where this sort thing didn't happen every other week. *sigh* Better get the acid bath ready, I suppose.'

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Nursey Knows

'Right there, do you see? That's where your soul would be, if only you were Catholic.'

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Terrible Twos

Today, it should be noted, corresponds directly with Monkey Fluids' second birthday. Let's celebrate with a splash of colour:

Holly's gnawed bones were found in the woods three weeks later. No-one was much surprised.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

lol

Training the cat to think it was Godzilla was a laugh at first, but it all turned to tears when father's Japanese business partners came for dinner...

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Practical Japery

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Robots in This Guy's

Crapbucket, the crappiest Autobot, was always getting stuck halfway through his transformation. 'A little help, guys? Please? Look, if one of you can just bend my headlight round a bit more, I think I can get my arm out... Guys?'

I've been thinking that perhaps I should apologise for one of my recent comics, so here goes:

Parasol Stars was a great game; it's just the more recent attempts to revive the Bubble Bobble/Rainbow Islands franchise that have sucked. Sorry, Parasol Stars.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Splishy Splashy

Bertie wasn't sure if he'd ended up in Padeophile Heaven or Disobedient Child Hell, but either way that rectum cancer was starting to look more like a blessing now...

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Old School

It didn't matter how realistic they made the graphics; every sequel to Rainbow Islands couldn't help but suck.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Personal Hygiene is Important

It was Bertie's insistence on air-drying his crotch that eventually saw him cut from the First XI. 'The game's starting, Bertie!' 'I'll be there in a minute!' 'For Christ's sake, use a fucking towel!'

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

It's a metaphor for something

'I said: I AM THE GRANDFATHER OF FUCK!' But they didn't understand him. From up there, they never would.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Secretly, the house hated Betsy

Betsy and Timmy loved riding through the woods on the back of their magical flying house, until the day they flew too close to an overhanging branch. Timmy was able to duck out of the way in time, but Betsy would never walk again.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Outdated Pop Culture Reference

'What's wrong, Bessie?' 'Oh, Timmy! He said he'd never give me up, never let me down, never run around and... and... but he did, Timmy! He did!' 'Ginger cunt.'

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Mock the Past: Bonus Content

An extra one for Saturday. Why were people like that 70 years ago? This might have something to do with it:

Friday, February 15, 2008

Mock the Past: And Finally...

Draw your own conclusions.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Mock the Past: Vintage Sexism

Well that's... better?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Mock the Past: Vintage Racism 3

Um, yeah. Wow. I'm... I'm just going to stop with the vintage racism now.

Let's instead lighten the mood by pointing out that this image (the first panel of a comic strip entitled "Sambo, Sue and Jolly Golly", by the way) and the two before it all came from the following 1940 children's annual:

Uncle Jack's Joy-Book? Enough of the unsavoury old-time prejudice -- let's get back to some good, clean paedophile references!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Mock the Past: Vintage Racism 2

From offensive Asian stereotypes to offensive African stereotypes:

I should mention that this one is from the same book as yesterday's -- you didn't have to look far for your racism in the 40s.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mock the Past: Vintage Racism 1

Something different this week: time to offload a pile of images that best serve as a reminder that the past is indeed another country. A country where this sort of thing is par for the course:

It gets worse.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Famly Values

'Now Timmy, there's no need to resort to those masturbation pants for your sexual thrills. Why don't you do the respectable thing and marry the first girl you take a liking to -- say, Hettie here -- then you can demand sex whenever you want.' 'Whenever I want?' 'Yes, Timmy. It's a man's right.'

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Return to the Tree

Eventually, the creationists learned to argue from a position of mutual respect. Their dogs, however, retained their taste for human flesh and knack for treeing their quarry. 'Damn it! I should never have evolved them to act that way.' 'No, you still haven't quite got it. Here, let's get to safety, then we can go over phenotypic plasticity...'

Well, the first one has received more attention than any other comic I've done -- I figure it deserved a sequel.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

To the Orphanarium!

They had found the plane wreckage, in which the shattered corpses of their parents could still be seen, twitching and partially on fire. Uncle Bertie's attempts to cheer them up with his repertoire of bird calls and animal noises were less than successful.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Reader Mail #6

Fua and Jenny, the time-traveling lesbians, plucked baby Moses from the river. 'Right,' said Jenny. 'This religion is going to see some changes...'

Yeah, I still do this from time to time. Today's caption courtesy Apathy Jack.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Supergirldickery

'I'm sorry, I didn't know it was your coat hook. I'll move my stuff -- no need to get angry...' Even as she apologised, Candice moved to cover her ovaries -- she'd seen what happened to girls who found themselves on the receiving end of Supergirl's heat vision...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Oopsie

Andrij at The Daily Top Ten pointed out that the link to the site feed over on the right there doesn't work. God knows how long that's been like that. Fixed now - thanks, Andrij! Everyone else: Go visit his site.

Take That, Scoliosis!

The Spine-O-Fix Correctional Back Brace results in freakishly correct posture in all who try it. Buy yours today! Warning: May cause Nazism.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This One's for Chris

Drama in the Land of Porn: 'Well I've got my hands on the writhing serpent and now I'm all wet - care to join me?' 'Join you? It's a fucking snake - get it away from me, you mad bitch!'

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I've Got a Dog Called Segue

'Say, that is a nice fan - you know what else is nice? Not having herpes. Now, about herpes...' Lucile took the news hard, but she had to admire Tiffany's skill with a segue.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I Know I Say This Every Year...

...but it's my birthday.

You may ply me with genuflection... now.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

La Vitesse

Timmy made it over the collapsing bridge with seconds to spare. Now all he had to worry about was the penetrating stare and increasingly forward advances of The Frenchman...

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

OHMSS

'Last chance, Agent Spencer - where did you hide The Device?' 'Go to hell, Natalya, I'll never tell you - never in a million *glub glub glub*'

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Happy New Etc.

I don't know about you, but I spent New Year's eve on a plane. I entered 2008, not by counting down to midnight, but by entering a time zone where it had already happened. But I'm home now, so I guess I don't have an excuse for getting back into things. Things like this:

Mavis hated the countryside - she could never take two steps with going ankle-deep into a cow pat. Fortunately there were always stray dogs around to wipe on. Her gypsy companion marvelled at her resourcefulness.