Monday, September 11, 2006

Meanwhile, in a Tree

January 5: Have been stuck up tree for 13 days now. Surviving on dew sucked from tree moss. Have soiled self repeatedly. Father and Uncle Bill occasionally come out to taunt me with ladder. Bastards.


Anonymous said...

Cramming for your exams while staking out the super-criminal's hideout...well that was not a problem, even commendable; and the long skirts...well fashion comes and goes, what can you do about it; but it was her daughters flat chest that really was concerning Wonderwoman. How could she become a successful superheroine without massive norks?

Apathy Jack said...

"Put the ladder in the house, Linus," siad Charlie Brown as he walked away.

"Look, I'm sorry about the damn football," called Lucy with increasing panic. "This thing's finished it's last kite and still looks hungry! Send help you bastards!"

Noah Brand said...

Keeping one eye on her unsuspecting target, and reviewing the instructions for the kyoketsu shoge with the other, Nancy prepared to become the first girl in her troop to win her merit badge in ninjitsu.

Anonymous said...

The true perpetrator of the Amityville murders hid menacingly in a nearby tree, waiting to catch the unsuspecting decorator on his own.

"It's a good job I'm psychotic", she thought "or I might feel bad about the irony of painting the walls with his intestines".

Anonymous said...

The people at No. 75 finally found the source of the smell. Yes Lucy had snuck into there house and dropped a huge turd in the crawl space in the attic.

That will teach them for running over her cat.

Anonymous said...


"Jesus, Is that a hook in it?"

Anonymous said...

For months, Felicity had staked out the "Schuh" warehouse, just waiting for the right moment. By fair means or foul, those Versace pumps would soon be hers.

Oh yes.

Anonymous said...

tree log, day thirteen.

The Rev. Jenner J. Hull said...

(In 5/4 time to the tune of the "Mission: Impossible" theme...)

Da, da! Da, da!

Da, da! Da, da!

Watch-ing! The Barn!

With Bi-noc! U-lars!

Ta-king! Notes on-the!

Wor-king! Of-the!

(Falls from the tree.)