Monkey Fluids: May 2007

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Obvious Week II: Obvious Harder

Something about fisting. With, like, shortening.

Lest it be said that I don't learn from my mistakes...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Obvious Week II: Just When You Thought It Was Safe

My, what a big pussy. (The humour of this statement consists in the fact that 'pussy' is a word for cat and also for woman bits.)

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Obvious Week II: It's Back and It's Pissed Off

Monday, May 28, 2007

Obvious Week II: This Time, It's Personal

'Spanking the monkey' means wanking. You find this humouous.

Time once again for the cavalcade of... stuff that is Obvious Week. For those who don't remember the last one, Obvious Week occurs when the build-up of blatantly obvious punchlines (the kind I try to avoid) threatens to overwhelm me, and I'm forced to vent them safely in a controlled environment. Substituting quality for quantity, you get one every day this week.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Obscure Pop Culture Reference #2

'...so I says 'Me too - mine’s as big as a house!' Ah, that Hawkins...' 'Yeah, I don’t think I'm what he was talking about, Lucy.'

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

sigh

'Oh, drug-induced hallucinatory animals -- you're all the friends I have.' 'You probably shouldn't have molested all those children, then.'

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Menstrurific!

'Right, into the Red Lodge with you - can't have you blighting the crops with your feminine taint!' 'Don't be stupid - I'm not due for another two weeks. And this isn’t a Red Lodge, it's the cupboard under your stairs!' 'Quiet, Leaky. I'll be back with some rags in a while.' *SLAM*

Can I just say, that, from a purely phonological standpoint, "menstruation" is the most horrible word in the English language. You've got "nstr" -- the highest number of consonant sounds it's possible to stick together, followed by a vowel and a diphthong together! I feel like I'm going to dislocate something whenever I say it. Just thought I'd point that out.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Vrooom!

The twins were about sick of Spain's shit. Pamplona was going to play by their rules for once.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Creeping Horror

They'd only been talking to the mysterious stranger for a few minutes, and already the Tweed had infected Melanie's scarf. In a few weeks, it had spread to cover half the country. The world was doomed.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Oh, That Ruffles...

'Middle East tension, economic crises, domestic violence... this is all terrible, Ruffles!' 'Yes. Puts what I'm about to do in perspective, doesn't it?' 'I suppose. But does it have to be in front of mother?' 'Yes, Timmy. Yes it does.'

Credit where it's due: Thanks to Steve Wilson for the image (by way of clipart.com).

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Gratutitous Pop Culture Reference, I Guess

'YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!' bellowed Uncle. Fortunately, they were talking about Shaft, so he could dig it.

I should point out that Uncle is not actually a floating torso -- that bit of the picture was cut out to make room for the original text. On the other hand, I didn't actually pay much attention to the original text -- it could have been about a sword-wielding floating torso for all I know.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

CRACK

Bertie had taken all he could stand of Heather’s comments about his fuzzy coat. He snapped her neck like a dry twig and was out the door before her body hit the ground. A new life waited for him in Mexico - he wouldn’t need his hat and umbrella there.