Thursday, April 10, 2008

Playing to Win

'Yes, I think I'm going to have to recommend what's called a 'retroactive abortion' in your case, Angela -- can't have the lower classes breeding out of control can we?' 'I don't like playing eugenicists, Timmy. Can't we just go back to experimenting with laudanum?'


warren said...

That is not a thermometer, Bobby, and I already told you do not want to play 'doctor' with you again.

Anonymous said...

"Ok, it's my turn. Mary, I've been a really bad boy. I think I deserve a spanking across your lap."

"I would agree Tommy. But what about baby Jesus?"

"Oh all right. You can spank him first and I'll watch, but I'm next after him...."

Profitable Conundrum said...

"Come on sally, put the dolly down and wear the rest of it.”

For reasons know only to him, Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot never tired of seeing his playmates dressed in nun’s outfits. Most criminal psychologists agreed that it was this abnormality that translated into his pathological obsession with penguins.

AFPOE said...

Clara and Marcus eyed the baby oil at the precise same moment, their mutual epiphany dawning.

"Hmmm. You know, Clara…"

"Oh yes, Marcus, I know. I know."

They understood the consequence, never holding an umbrella again without this memory springing to mind, but damn future nostalgia, they had to know.

Anonymous said...

"...OKAY! Just let me look away for a sec... ok, I've got it now...OK, I'm a woman, sitting on a park bench with my baby, never suspecting the magical wonders that approach: and take 3...go!"
"Good day, m'lady; my name is Mr. Magnificent. Would you like to see what I can pull from my magical hat?"
"Why hello, Mr. Magnifi*snicker (snort)BAAh-Ha- ha-hooOO-Ha-ah,GOD HELP ME!-it's the (gasp) it's the white shoes with the *hoo-Ah,oh GOD* the stupid socks- (gasp)woohoo*! ok, ok *woooo* ok, I've got it (ahem*wooHA*ahem), ok - Another go then? Hmmm*hic*mmmmmm?"
"Oh, fuck you Angela - you think it's easy for me while you've got that damn rag on your head? Just fuck it all..."

Anonymous said...

"Dolly had Ebola hemorrhagic fever last time" said Mary with a sigh. "Come on, Chrisopher, play doctor properly! Dolly has got a nasty cough and a temperature, and she doesn't seem to be getting any better. What do you think, Doctor".

"Mmmm. Ah-haah. Her nose and cranial structure is a bit worrying. I think she may be suffering from Aryan deficiency. I prescribe a course of Zyklon B inhalation."

"There, Dolly! Soon have you better".

Anonymous said...

"I'm sorry but if you use words like "cunt" and "raging boner" they'll soon rumble this scam. Let's try again.

Now show me on the dolly where the nasty man touched you."

Ed said...

Max Mosely: the Early Years

Anonymous said...

"I'm sorry miss, but that virgin mother routine got old during the end of the B.C. age, I suggest you put the doll down and undress like the nurse asked you to. It's time to find out where real babies come from."

"But this IS a real baby doctor."

"I should think so, and after your checkup the nice men in pretty white jackets will come and show you where the fancy pillow-room is."

Anonymous said...

"Sally, I agreed to play fertility doctor with you, but how the bloody hell can you already have a baby? See, the fertility doctor is supposed to show you HOW to have a baby, so just put the baby away, and I can show you how . . . ."

Sally wasn't buying his bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Kid Akimbo and Flatulence Girl in The Baby Jesus Caper!