Wednesday, May 31, 2006

As Related in John 14:26

“Woooo... I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!'” “Nonsense -- masturbation is healthy and natural.” “No, I meant strangling hookers.” “Oh, right. That.”
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Monday, May 29, 2006

On the Playground

'You're not fooling anyone Doris; you're not walking an invisible dog, you're just fucked in the head.'
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Friday, May 26, 2006

Crisis of Conscience


No. No, I won’t do it. Seriously, no -- if you want a caption, how about this:

Horse Boxing always took it out of Jessie, but as her latest opponent fell into unconsciousness, she finally had time to settle down for a nap and think about how she would spend her prize money.

Fine: horse fucking. You people make me sick.
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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Billy, Don't be a Hero

Polishing off the bottle of Bombay Sapphire may have dulled the memory of his visit to the headmaster's office, but Billy's skinned knees would bear mute testament to his experience for months to come.
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Monday, May 22, 2006

Gratuitous Pop Culture Reference #2

'Girls, get down from there! Total Recall was a marvellous film, but the classroom is no place to be re-enacting the elevantor scene!' 'Heh heh -- 'See you at da paahty, Richter!'' 'I said stop it!'
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Friday, May 19, 2006

Misadventures in Modern Medicine

'As you can see, ladies, the partial lobotomy was a complete success and our horrible secret remains safe. Now all we need to worry about from Nancy here is the occasional involuntary bowel movement.'
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Those Wacky Suitcase Bombers

As Miss Grimshaw sent the girls away, Bertie got to work defusing the suitcase bomb. Poking it with a stick probably wasn't the best way to go, but hey -- worst case scenario, it goes off and everyone is purified by the cleansing fire. Praise Jesus!
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Monday, May 15, 2006

Crash!

As the hog foetuses hit the floor, Timmy pounced from his kennel under the table. At least he might stop gnawing on that dead cat, but what will Her Ladyship use to keep her youthful looks now?

I continue to fiddle with the consumables, by the way -- there are a few more designs up there.
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Friday, May 12, 2006

Double Hockeysticks

“Offside? Offside?! You take that back or I’ll strangle this giant earthworm to death right here in front of its fucking children!”

Note to pedants: The original post was titled "You can't improve on perfection" -- I obviously can.
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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Meanwhile, Down the Shops

'Look at it -- I'm pretty sure a wart's not supposed to glow like that. Do you think it could be cancer, girls?' 'Just shut up and sell us some tampons, warty.'
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Public Service Announcement

It seems someone's set up a LiveJournal syndication for Monkey Fluids' RSS feed, if that's your kink.

If you're currently muttering "Syndi-what now? What does RSS stand for?" then this post doesn't apply to you. You may go about your dirty, diseased business.
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Monday, May 08, 2006

The Hills Have a Variety of Sensory Organs

Even with three legs to co-ordinate between them, the conjoined mutants quickly caught up with Ellie-Mae. Her death would be a painful one.
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Friday, May 05, 2006

Oh! Uncle Terry!

'I present to you Archibald. This little mustelid has been inserted into the rectums of world leaders across the globe, and has returned bearing exotic spices and tales the likes of which you've never heard.' Uncle Terry was quite dangerously full of shit sometimes.
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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A Simpler Time

Something different for you today: Here's an original caption -- you can supply your own mental image.
'Father?' ejaculated George. 'But Dad died years ago.' Hetty gulped. The imposter she had hired had made a bad mistake.
Ah, for the days when "Father?" "ejaculate" and "gulp" could appear in the same sentence and escape comment...
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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Consume, You Fucks!

Alright, have it your way -- Monkey Fluids consumables are available at cafepress.com. (All prices in $US -- imperialist swine...)

Currently featuring designs from the first strip and also this one -- I'll probably add one or two others. I may even respond to requests (bearing in mind that as I'm a cheap bastard who's only using a free account, I can only have one image per type of product).

Oh, and if I end up getting sued until it comes out green as a result of this, I'm taking you all with me.
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Monday, May 01, 2006

I Don't Believe in Organised Religion

'See this? That's right -- I gave blood this morning!' 'Gah -- Altruism! Rand protect us!' The Junior Libertarians turned and fled.
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