Thursday, January 10, 2008

La Vitesse

Timmy made it over the collapsing bridge with seconds to spare. Now all he had to worry about was the penetrating stare and increasingly forward advances of The Frenchman...
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

OHMSS

'Last chance, Agent Spencer - where did you hide The Device?' 'Go to hell, Natalya, I'll never tell you - never in a million *glub glub glub*'
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Thursday, January 03, 2008

Happy New Etc.

I don't know about you, but I spent New Year's eve on a plane. I entered 2008, not by counting down to midnight, but by entering a time zone where it had already happened. But I'm home now, so I guess I don't have an excuse for getting back into things. Things like this:

Mavis hated the countryside - she could never take two steps with going ankle-deep into a cow pat. Fortunately there were always stray dogs around to wipe on. Her gypsy companion marvelled at her resourcefulness.
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Mistletoe and Wine

Web access has proved to be a little tricky to come by in my current location, but it's Christmas, so I should probably make an effort:

It is a sad and poorly-known fact that Santa Claus is actually lactose intolerant. All of those glasses of milk see him dashing to the lavatory every couple of houses. He is often pursued on these occasions by members of the Catholic Church, who believe that his saintly excretions can bestow magical powers.
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Friday, December 14, 2007

Auf Wiedersehen

Yeah, look, I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm flying to Germany this evening for a three week holiday. Any updates during that time will be dependent on the internet access at wherever I happen to be staying.

While I'm away, I leave you this unaltered image to consider:

Laying the Bogey - ??

Is there a non-obscene meaning one can attribute to that title? If there is, I can't find it.
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Thursday, December 13, 2007

It's Just Common Sense

Even though the landmines were clearly marked, it was safest to send the children in first to make sure.
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Secret of Cows

After years of questing, Bertie was finally told the Secret of Cows by a wise old bullock. But he was forever shattered by the horrible truths it contained...
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Thursday, December 06, 2007

Whee!

The girls were pissed again. Granny didn't mind, but she kept a tight grip on her knitting needle, just in case one of them swung too close.
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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Return to the Land of Porn

'Sorry girls, but I've always wanted to get my hands on the headmaster's package...' Land of Porn or not, mail theft is still mail theft. Desirae was busted.
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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Comic #200: Learning Pickup Lines with Bertie

'So tell me, girls: do the curtains match your vagina? No wait -- does your vagina match the carpet? Shit. Fuck. Oh come one, there's no need to involve the police.'

And that's number 200. There will now be the traditional brief interruption in transmission while I gasp for breath like a fat man chasing a cake. (A cake with legs.)
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Postal Justice

Mail took a long time to arrive in the islands, but Lola's lifelike doll was finally here. Now Timmy would be able to show the court exactly where Uncle Bertie touched him...
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Thursday, November 08, 2007

Again with the Glorious Technicolour

'Yes, kill them,' urged the voices. 'Kill them all.'
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