Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Bird is Dead

'Live! Live, I say! I am the resurrection, damn you!' 'It's still not moving - you’re not Jesus at all, are you?' 'What? No, I am! I did the water-into-urine thing perfectly, remember?' 'Yeah, about that...'
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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Robots Are Dicks

In the future androids will rule, and the few remaining human women will be hounded though the streets while the robot population messes with them. Fucking robots.
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Insert Pun on the Word "Clubbing"

Gordon was relieved - he'd arrived before the club bunnies could drop their party pills and start another rave in the greenhouse. There'd be no need for fatal beatings - this time.
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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Upstairs, Downstairs

'Here, Jeeves - as a reward for all your hard work and loyalty, I give you... cheese.' But there was no cheese. Jeeves died a little inside.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Doreen Smash!

The rage subsided and Doreen returned to her normal self. 'Gosh, sorry to worry you all like that. But I don't understand - I have all my hair still, so why am I carrying this wig?' 'Oh, that's just the scalp of some gypsy woman you killed.' 'Well that's a relief.'
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Saturday, February 10, 2007

I Am So Alone

OK, over the past almost-year, I've signed Monkey Fluids up to a number of different online services and networks. Here, for the benfit of anyone who happens to frequent one or more of them, is a run down of Monkey Fluids' web "presence":

The Monkey Fluids MySpace page
Monkey Fluids at ComicSpace
Monkey Fluids on Facebook
Monkey Fluids at OnlineComics.net (with auto-generated net-whoring page)
Monkey Fluids Cafepress shop #1
Monkey Fluids Cafepress shop #2
Monkey Fluids adspace on Project Wonderful
The Monkey Fluids LiveJournal Syndication

And finally, the time Warren Ellis linked to me, thereby fuelling a decade of involuntary erections on my part.
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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Oh Captain, My Captain!

'Grr! Graaagh!' It was useless - sir was off on his King Kong impression again. If the boys wanted to learn anything they'd have to conduct their own classes. Smiling at the thought of contemplating Demosthenes and quadratic equations, they carried of the blackboard to set up in the gym...
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

That's the Stuff

Look, I don't like to boast, but this evening someone came to Monkey Fluids by searching Google for mythbusters bukkake. (Someone in Quebec -- you know who you are.)

It's times like this I know I'm doing something good -- something right -- here.
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Nature Can Be Cruel

'Look, Daisy -- another rape victim!' 'Poor thing. We should help.' 'No, no. If we touch it, the mother won't want it back.'
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Saturday, February 03, 2007

Bonus Material

To provide a break from the usual hilarity, I present: a completely different kind of hilarity!

It's been a long while indeed since I did one of these -- in a mind-blowing reversal of the natural order of things, here's an original caption that deserves a new picture, or perhaps an expanded narrative (one you will doubtless supply in the foetid depths of your pustulent imaginations -- I don't want to know).

Sir Tandy pulled himself up with a start. What was he thinking about? PIffle! Utter nonsense! But the seeds of suspicion were sown.
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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Unnecessary Profanity (The Best Kind)

'Ha ha! Told you girls can't play cricket. It's against God’s will.' 'Can it, chimp-boy. You're half chimp and your mother fucked a chimp.' It was true, but she didn’t need to say it.
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